| depression |
[Tuesday
December 20th, 2005 at 6:38pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
] |
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music |
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none, just me telling myself to die... |
] |
my life sucks...
everything always goes wrong. never right...
every time i try to do something for the better, it just turns sour... my relationship with my family sucks, i can't see my son without getting yelled at or somekind of email saying how fucked up i am, my son's mother is a psychotic bitch, and it always seems like no one in MN is going to hire me...
i can't afford to move anywhere, i can't support myself (let alone my son), i can barely keep my girlfriend happy (hell i can barely keep MYSELF happy), i have like 2.5 friends, and all of my former friends are traitors who find some sick pleasure in harrassing me...
it's the kind of shit that makes you want to kill yourself...
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| Hot damn... |
[Thursday
December 8th, 2005 at 2:38am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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| [ |
music |
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Mindless Self Indulgence--Bite your rhymes |
] |
I need a fucking weapon!
I got held up right on the corner of my block. Five houses away! Like a few days ago! I'm walking home, and I get on my block, and five dudes just pop up on the corner, and I seen they ALL had GUNS!! I was getting ready to jet the fuck out of there right when they seen me and cornered me!
WE WERE ALL STANDING ON A BUSY AS STREET CORNER AND NO ONE SLOWED DOWN OR EVEN CARED TO HELP!!! I SWEAR I SAW A COP CAR SPEED PAST US TOO! Well anyway... Long story short, they went through my pockets after I told them I don't want no fucking trouble and gave them my wallet. And I swear I saw one guy walk off with my wallet! Well, they didn't take shit so, I left... Ran... Fast!!
I get home, and I'm bitchin' about how it's fucked up that it took five dudes with guns to get into one skinny ass kid's pockets! Well, I started flippin' out about how they got my wallet, and when I searched my coat for my cigs, I found my wallet! I'm glad they didn't get anything from me, but it upsets me that no one wants to fight fair... It's all guns, guns, guns...
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| Turkey day is tomorrow!!! ^_^ |
[Wednesday
November 23rd, 2005 at 1:07pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
] |
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music |
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Cibo Matto--Know your chicken |
] |
The one day I can eat like a 700 pound fat man on a fork-lift and get away with it... Aaahh, I love Thanksgiving! ^_^
I'm hittin' up every relative I can think of. I am going to eat like the world is going to end and you can only go to heaven if you're fat! I am going to make myself look pregnant. LOL!
I don't know how I'm getting everywhere, but I'm gonna try dammit! ^_^ I can't wait. There's a bunch of relatives of mine I've been DYING to see! It's gonna be great, I tell you! The excitemend marches through me like radioactive pants!!!
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| bleh |
[Thursday
November 17th, 2005 at 1:20pm] |
Today was my last day at my temp job...
That's kinda depressing. Now I have to go back to job hunting. Oh well...
I guess I need a more permanent job anyway. Hopefully, I'll find some work soon.
My brother's step-dad lost a big ass bag of weed last night. It was crazy. He walked up to me like, "Let's smoke." So we go get ready to cheif it up, then he says; "Where's my damn weed?!" So we spent, like, 3 hours looking for it. We STILL haven't found it! He's pissed... I feel bad for him. I wish I had some money to spend on whatever I want. I'd hook him up nice 'n phat.
Well, I gotta go look for a new job now...
Laterz!
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[Tuesday
November 15th, 2005 at 7:24am] |
Well, I got to see my son this past weekend.
It was great! ^_^ I sat with him practically the whole time I was there. My brother came with me, and got to see his nephew. I figured he doesn't get to see our sister's son, so he should be able to see Jeremiah whenever the opportunity arises.
Jeremiah's getting so damn big! It's amazing. He spent most the time staring at either me or the television. My brother, Michael, was gettin' all goofy over Jeremiah. It was a good time.
I'm getting pretty tired from this temp job I've been working. It's an ok job, but routine is a pain in the ass...
I think this weekend, I'm gonna start working on my comic strips again; so I can start submitting them to different syndications. Well, I'm off to work...
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| I need something to do... |
[Wednesday
November 2nd, 2005 at 7:54pm] |
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mood |
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awake |
] |
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music |
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You mean there's something to listen to besides my brother?? |
] |
I'm so bored...
I need to find something productive to do... (oh, wait! I went to work today!) ^_^
Anywho, I got a temp job, so I'll be working for the next week or so. I'll have some money to get around on the bus and look for work. And I can save up some money, so I can stop this living with people other than my girlfriend shit.
I think I'm gonna see who wants to smoke with me...
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| Happy Halloween!! ^_^ |
[Monday
October 31st, 2005 at 10:19am] |
Halloween...
One of my favorite holidays. You get to dress up, pretend you're someone else for a day, and you get all kinds of free candy.
Well, this halloween I'm taking a bunch of kids trick or treating, so I'm gonna think of a way to scare the dog shit out of them. ^_^ My brother's talking about bag snatching this year, and I don't think that I want to be a part of that.
I'm actually thinking of going to Lazy's house and seeing how he's doing, and what he's got planned this evening. I haven't seen him in a long while.
Anywho, I'm going to go get myself excited about tonight.
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| arr... |
[Sunday
October 23rd, 2005 at 4:00am] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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Silence is golden... |
] |
You ever get the feeling like you want to just smash a building?
I've felt that way recently...
There's just so much on my plate, that I feel so overwhelmed. I've got a lot of responsibilities, and I've never had to deal with the whole having a shit-ton of responsibility thing before.
I like to think that I'm doing the best I can, but I don't know if that's going to be good enough. To top it off, I always have some kind of shady character fucking with me or someone or thing affiliated with me.
I really hope that my anxiety will pass, and that all this drama is just a phase...
I wish that I had an on/off switch for my anxiety. Things would be a lot easier if I were able to leave the switch in the off position. I had to spend the last three weeks worrying and full of anxiety.
Hopefully, I won't have to feel this way anymore...
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| bleh |
[Friday
October 21st, 2005 at 12:53am] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
] |
So, I've spent the last few weeks or so thinking...
And when I thought too much, I kept thinking about how much people suck...
Some people will be your friend until they find an opportunity to screw you over, or fuck your shit up. Some people will try to put blame on you for no good reason other than they don't like you. And some people will just be dumb.
Now, I'm not pointing any fingers, and I'm not talking shit about anyone... This is just the way I think about people in general.
That's just the way it is, I guess...
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| I LIKE POPCORN!!! ^_^ |
[Thursday
August 25th, 2005 at 7:18pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
] |
I LIKE CEREAL!
I LIKE CHOCOLATE MILK!!
Yeah, I'm bored...
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| Fuckin' bitch!!! |
[Wednesday
August 10th, 2005 at 10:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 pissed off |
] |
"You just want me to hate you so that you have an excuse not to see your kid."
That's what this crazy ass woman (ex-girlfriend) said to me; via e-mail!!!
( Read more... )
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| shninny.... |
[Wednesday
August 3rd, 2005 at 1:02pm] |
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mood |
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worried |
] |
So, I'm living with a friend of mine until my girlfriend and I can find a new apartment. It's kind of a half-good/half-bad thing. It's cool 'cause it's one of my really good friends that I'm living with; but on the down-side, I can't see my girlfriend as much.
Plus, I have no job and no money, so that kinda sucks... I dunno... Maybe I'll get lucky and find a good job. Hopefully, the business my step-mom wants to start will kick off. I've been helping out with that alot, and I'll be doing much more when we actually get incorporated. I just hope that I'll be able to do something that involves me getting paid...
My mom is gonna try to get my art in a gallery. I think that's kinda cool... I wonder if I can sell my art there... But then again I may not be good enough for a gallery just yet.
I have this big, bad habit of doubting myself. It's a big obstacle in my life... I always find some kind of way to make myself feel like I'm not good enough for a job, or a gallery, or to work as a cartoonist. Then I end up getting these massive anxiety attacks, and quit my job; or stop drawing for months.
But I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna try to put my art in a gallery. My mom thinks that I'll be good. But that's my MOM...
My mom showed me all of my old drawings yesterday. I couldn't help but laugh at most of them. I drew a LOT of Sonic pictures when I was little. There was this really cool samurai that I drew when I was like 10 or 12. I had almost forgotten about it. But there it was... Staring me in the face. "Red Stealth" was his name. Maybe I'll borrow it from my mom and scan it one day.
Now I'm babbling... I gotta go. I've a job to apply for.
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| Rough Sketch... |
[Sunday
July 17th, 2005 at 4:55pm] |
I did this in like 5 minutes with no pencil.
I think it's kinda crappy, but what the hell; right?
I think I'll post some of my better art when I get a chance.
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| Oh, My God!!! I'm Somebody's Dad!!! |
[Saturday
July 16th, 2005 at 6:07pm] |
So, my first child was born yesterday... I'm someone's dad!! 0_0
His name is Jeremiah Clayton.
He's 9 lbs. 5 oz. He kinda looks like me, I think. He's got my ears and nose. ^_^
What's scary is that his birthday is exactly smack-dab in the middle of my birthday and his mother's. Six days after her's and six before mine. (Spooky... J/K)
Nine fucking pounds!! I wasn't even half that size when I was born! He's healthy (humor).
He's lighter than me, but that'll change; my mom says. He's hungry like me. ^_^ The whole time we were there he was just sucking away at his fingers like they were nipples. He tried to feed off me! It was funny.
My mom and I took my brother and sister to see him yesterday. We went and got the coolest Polo shirt I've ever seen! And I don't even like Polo! And it's for Jeremiah. We got him some onezies too.
I wish I could find a fucking job!!! I want to be able to buy him all sorts of neat things.
I held him for the first time, and it was like buying a new X-Box or getting a double A in a game of DDR. Better than that; I felt a father-son bond. Sappy but true.
You can't possibly imagine how old I feel...
I'm gonna be 25 this year, AND I have a kid now. I guess it's a good thing that I don't party like I used to. To be honest, I don't even know if I'm gonna do anything on my birthday this year. I don't really like celebrating my birthday like I used to. I might just sit and have a few beers with my mom or something. Maybe just sit and smoke weed with my girlfriend all day. I'm not sure...
My mom called me while I was gone. I wonder what for... I'm gonna go so I can call her.
Laters!! ^_^
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| I'm tired, and our TV is vulnerable... |
[Thursday
July 14th, 2005 at 10:06pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
] |
So my girlfriend's sister is moving out of our apartment. And I can't help but think that she's gonna take our big TV. I think it's because we don't use it much, because we don't like the people we live with.
So I'm sitting here waiting for these people to get out of my house so I don't have to worry about our television.
I'm tired, yet I can't sleep...
I'm not doing much but playing my Dreamcast. I wish I had a job, because I need money badly... I can't wait until I find a job. I've been looking forever, it seems. I need to go to sleep soon...
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| got this from atomic_sugar... <3 |
[Thursday
July 14th, 2005 at 12:41am] |
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mood |
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 curious |
] |
1.) Copy and paste this into your journal:
<*font color="yourusername"> <*b>yourusername<*/b> <*/font>
2.) Eliminate the asterisks.
3.) Replace "yourusername" with your user name.
4.) See what color you are.
atomik_moon
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| It's hot and I'm hungry... |
[Thursday
July 14th, 2005 at 12:22am] |
It is soooo fucking hot out today! It's like 12:30am and I'm dying in my room from the heat.
Sad part is that the air conditioner is on...
I'm hungry for food, but I don't know what. I thought it was hamburger helper, but I'm still craving food. I'm too indecisive, I guess.
So, my brother's over here, and he's way more hyper than he usaually is today. He's got ADHD, and to top it off, my dad just beat him up last week. THEN, I hear about it when I come back into town! I guess it happened after my dad and I left the bar. My brother told me that he had to call my dad's girlfriend/baby's mom to come and pick him and my cousin up at 3 in the morning. That's like an hour after I got home! Well, she comes and picks them up.
When my dad got home, his girl chewed him out (she does it a lot when he drinks and doesn't come home until 5am) for not picking up my brother and cousin. So this drunk son of a bitch comes downstairs into the living room where my little brother's sleeping and starts punching him!!! He punched him in the stomach and made him puke, and was calling him all kinds of bitches and shit. Saying, "You're a bitch! I don't want anything to do with you! You're dead to me!!"
Well, I caught wind of this, and I was FURIOUS!!! I'm so pissed at him. I told my brother to stay away from that mother fucker! I don't want anything to do with him any more. Shit, I've only known him for like almost five years anyway. I'm grown! I'm 25 in like seven or eight days! I don't need him! And niether does my brother! I've heard too many stories about his alcohol abuse...
My brother's thinking about getting a restraining order against him, and his mom's thinking of moving to New York again. I'm thinking about calling my dad's girlfriend and telling her to pack her shit, and take the kids with her when she leaves his ass!! I don't want my baby brother and sister near that abusive fuck!!! He needs a reality check...
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| I just got this journal... |
[Sunday
July 10th, 2005 at 11:31pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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Crazy Christian Televison show in the background. |
] |
Not much to say. I just got this here journal.
Just saying "Hi," to anybody who happens to read this. Well, I'm out.
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